


Love and War

by ChocoNut



Series: Many ways to say I love you [11]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love Confessions, Post Season 7, Post canon, Season 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 04:16:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17821724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocoNut/pseuds/ChocoNut
Summary: Brienne sits in her tent, forlorn and devastated when she comes to know that Sansa has been abducted. With Podrick killed in the war as well, she has no one but Jaime to turn to when she is at her lowest. Jaime comes in to comfort her... and ends up doing much more than that.





	Love and War

“Brienne,” he called out, hurrying into her tent.

Jaime found her sitting in a corner with her arms around her knees, her head bent low. _She already knows,_ he surmised, taking one look at her drooping, desolate posture. He went in and sat down next to her quietly. Word had just trickled in that Sansa had been abducted and taken hostage by Euron Greyjoy. After all that the wench had done for her, he knew she would be devastated with this news. He couldn’t let her deal with it alone. He had to be there by her side.

“I’m a failure,” she said flatly, without even looking up at him. “I’ve let her down.”

“It’s not your fault,” he tried to comfort her. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve been busy here, battling the dead. How can you be in two places at once?”

She raised her head, and only then did he notice how truly miserable she was. “What have I achieved here?” She sounded broken, lost and forlorn, her usually lively and expressive eyes devoid of life tonight. “This expedition has been a disaster so far. We lost a good number of men, I let Podrick die--”

“You couldn’t have helped that, either.”

“I should’ve protected him better.” Her voice was hollow, and the look in her eyes, haunted. “I should’ve been there for Sansa as well. They were both my responsibility.”

He didn’t know what to say, how to console her. All he wanted to do was hold her, to be there for her in her moment of gloom. He had never seen her cry before, but he could now catch a glimpse of the tears that were threatening to stream down her eyes. A dull ache flooding his chest as he felt her pain, he wanted her to let down her guard for a change, to surrender to her emotions. He was tempted to encourage her to open up to him and shed her tears of anguish on his shoulders, but knowing Brienne, he wasn’t sure how she might react if he tried to get close to her.

“There’s only so much you can do, Brienne,” he continued to pacify her, maintaining a respectable distance as he spoke. He didn’t dare touch her yet… not even to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“You don’t understand,” she raised her voice in agitation, the first real sign of emotion in her since he had entered. “Nothing’s more hateful than failing to protect the one you love. First, it was Renly, and then--”

A pang of jealousy struck Jaime like an arrow through the heart, leaving him distressed despite his resolve to remain calm. “Are you still in love with Renly?” he couldn’t stop himself asking her.

A thin smile came upon her face. “Renly is no longer the love of my life, but the guilt of his death would never let me live in peace. Many nights, I toss and turn, haunted by nightmares of his battered body in my arms.”

She looked so woefully miserable that Jaime’s heart went out to her. “You saved Sansa,” he reminded her in a desperate attempt to raise her sagging spirits. “She might not have lived to see this day if it were not for you.”

Her eyes shone with gratitude at the recollection. “To that, I have you to thank as well. I couldn’t have succeeded had it not been for your assistance.” But her face fell the very next instant and she lowered her eyes. “First Renly, then Lady Catelyn, and now Podrick--” she faltered, finding it difficult to speak “--and Sansa’s nearly gone as well. I’ve lost everyone dear to me, everyone for whom I was accountable in some way or the other, everyone--” her voice broke and she turned away, letting out a heavy sigh.

_I still stand, wench… am I not dear to you?_

_You continue to pine for your first love who never even set eyes upon you. Has it ever occurred to you that there lives a man who cares for you so deeply that he could do anything for you? All he craves for, is your heart, and nothing but that. He desires you for the warrior-maiden that you are, never once wanting you to be the woman the world forces you to be. He cares not how you dress, but wishes only to see his sword adorn your waist, to see you wield it until the light goes out of his eyes._

_He loves you, Brienne, and loves you dearly for the plain, homely wench that you are..._

“You still have me,” he voiced his feelings, before could contain himself. She glanced up at him with eyes full of surprise. Quickly checking his emotions, he tried to cover up for his mistake. “I came here to tell you that if there’s anything that I can do for you, all you have to do is say the word.” Not able to stop himself, he reached out to wipe away the lone tear that rolled down her cheek. “I’m always there for you.”

_I’d gladly lay down my life for you...._

He let his fingers linger on her cheek for a minute longer than necessary before he dropped his hand, good sense eventually prevailing over his turbulent mind. He had come here to offer her solace, not to thrust his feelings upon her. There would be time for matters of the heart later, as he didn’t know about her feelings yet. That was why he hadn’t told her yet, for his mind was plagued with doubts, the unavoidable question eating into him every minute of his life.

_Would an honour-bound woman like her settle for an incestuous oathbreaker like me?_

He had planned to talk to her and find out in due course, but tonight was not the right time for it. “I must leave, Brienne, if you need my help, let me know.” Resting his palm on the floor for support, he made to get up when he felt a rough, calloused hand on his.

“Don’t leave me alone, Jaime.” She looked at him beseechingly, her voice unnaturally low and her tone indicative of her vulnerability.

_Jaime, not Ser Jaime!_

Despite the hopelessness of the situation, his heart did a little dance upon hearing these words. And what happened next took him entirely by surprise. Before he could say or do anything, she flung her arms around his neck and broke down completely, sobbing her heart out into his chest.

“Shh.” He patted her head soothingly, trying not to get distracted by the ill-timed, not-so-decent manner in which his body was beginning to respond to her touch. “You found her once, we’ll do it again,” he said reassuringly, winding his stump arm around her and pulling her to him.

“I hope Pod forgives me,” she lamented. “He was like a little brother to me, and Sansa--”

“We’ll get her back.” Jaime had to make an effort to sound confident, unable to keep his fingers off her golden locks as he spoke.

They sat there for many long minutes, wrapped in a tight embrace, silently seeking comfort in each other’s arms. The war had taken a toll on them, leaving them with nothing but kind words for one another, and calming touches. When her sobs had died down and her tears dried up, she drew away and looked up at him, her cheeks slightly pink and her eyes red due to crying.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, looking flustered as she tried to regain her composure. “I never succumb to tears like this… I didn’t mean to come across as whiny or weak.”

“It’s perfectly fine to be vulnerable at times, wench. Everyone needs to be supported once in a while.” Confused about what he should do next, Jaime decided to play safe. He was about to get up and leave, when Brienne stopped him once again.

“Don’t go,” she said hoarsely, shifting closer to him. “Stay here with me tonight--” she blinked a couple of times before adding “ _\--please_?”

Her request left Jaime all the more muddled. There could be many interpretations of this statement. Was she asking him to just sit by her side and offer her his company? Or was it… was it something far deeper than that?

_Is she indirectly telling me that she loves me?_

Tired of months of speculation and deliberation, he made up his mind to take a huge risk this time. Leaning in, he placed his hand at the back of her neck and pulled her towards him, pressing his mouth to hers, preparing himself for rejection and anticipating an adverse reaction from her. But he was in store for a pleasant surprise. Her arms flew around his neck for the second time tonight and she kissed him back. Encouraged, he deepened the kiss, drinking her in and closing his eyes as he let himself drown in her.

_What the fuck am I doing? She’s emotionally broken, not in the right state of mind._

As abruptly as he had kissed her, he pushed her away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that… I got carried away,” he apologized, frustrated with his lack of restraint. “I didn’t mean to take advantage of your disturbed mental state. I know you’ve been under tremendous turmoil, and--” he hesitated, deciding to withhold his feelings “--all I wanted to do was offer you some comfort, to be there for you. I hope you don’t think ill of me.”

He quickly sprang to his feet and was about to walk away without looking at her again when he felt a strong tug on his arm.

“I want you, Jaime.”

Something stirred in him when she uttered his name like that, the soft, endearing note to her voice making him want to lay down the world at her feet. He turned around slowly, finding it difficult to digest his good fortune. He had come to terms with the fact that the kiss was a huge mistake, that she had kissed him back only on an impulse, not because she--

“I’ve loved and lost once,” she said softly, approaching him. “I can’t live with myself if it happens again. I do not wish to let go of the man I love for the second time in my life.”

_She loves me!_

Dizzy with joy at the realization, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her again, free of all doubts and inhibitions this time as he allowed himself to enjoy the taste of her lips, to feel her as her touch penetrated the depths of his soul. They broke away, but he couldn’t hold himself for long. He kissed her once more and pulled back a moment later, only to be drawn to her lips again. They both tried and failed miserably in a futile attempt to restore their dignified calm as they found themselves kissing repeatedly, each longing for the other’s touch, unable to believe they could be together, while finding it difficult to stay apart.

“Make me yours,” she whispered, smiling shyly when his lips touched hers for perhaps the hundredth time that night, her face as red as the setting sun as she expressed her desire.

It was all Jaime wanted too, but he let go of her, frowning. “You’re a maiden, Brienne. I won’t touch you until we give our relationship a name--”

“I don’t care,” she said, her tone fiercely firm. “With the war raging outside, there’s no telling what might happen tomorrow. All I know is that tonight you’re with me. I’ve lost enough people and I don’t want to lose you as well.”

He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m going nowhere, wench,” he said tenderly.

Brienne met his eyes, her gaze fiery and intense as she transformed from the demure maiden that she had been all this while to a passionate woman. “ _I want you_ ,” she repeated, making her desire evident.

Jaime shook his head, deciding to listen to his head which, unfortunately, always sent out instructions conflicting the deepest desires of his heart. “Not at the cost of your honour, wench--”

“I see what you mean,” she didn’t let him finish, her eyes full of hurt as she took a step backward. “Forgive me, Ser Jaime, I was grossly mistaken. That kiss was indeed an emotional blunder. You're avoiding this because you do not want me as much as I--”

“ _Hells, no!_ ” he exclaimed. There was only one way to convince her about how he felt. Grabbing her, he captured her lips again, kissing her aggressively this time, wanting to prove his love for her, letting the ache and need which had been slowly, but surely consuming him all these years overpower him completely.

As they kissed, they began undressing each other slowly and tentatively, fingers shaking as they fumbled with their garments and bodies shivering at every touch. They had seen each other naked before, but this time would be different. When they were out of their clothes, he led her to the bedroll and pulled her down into his arms.

He rolled her over so that he was on top of her. “Gods, you don’t know how much I’ve yearned for this,” he breathed into her breasts as he began showering her pale, blushing skin with little kisses all over.

“And would you believe me if I said that I thought you looked like a god in Harrenhal?” she said, her fingernails digging into his back every time his lips touched her, sending his cock into a frenzy.

“So you _did_ stare at me, wench.” He raised his head to give her a teasing smile. “Although I disgusted you then.”

“I wasn’t exactly staring,” she replied, her cheeks a flaming red.

“To tell you the truth, one look at you, and I was hard as hell that day,” he admitted, his cock responding favourably to the memory.

With that confession, he decided to speak no more and put his mouth to better use, kissing, nibbling and tasting every inch of Brienne he could reach, while his fingers found their way into the depths of her folds. Growing harder at her arousal, he almost came when she moaned in pleasure, invoking every bit of restraint he had to hold himself back. It took him tremendous effort, but he couldn’t lose control over himself. He had to make this a special first time for her.

The sun had gone down and the tent was filled with darkness, but for the pale glow of the solitary candle that was burning bright. Momentarily forgetting the mayhem and destruction that surrounded them, they lost themselves in each others’ arms, feeling nothing but one another, the world around them dissolving into a blur.

Wary of the fact that she was a virgin, he entered her slowly, every bit he thrust into her filling him with an anxiety that he might have hurt her. When he was nearly halfway in, she went stiff in his arms. Worried that he might have caused her pain, he pulled out gently, searching her eyes for signs of discomfort or distress. What he saw in those blue pools, however, was only her need for him and the hunger for more.

“I want you to go all the way--” she begged, the lust in her eyes almost indecent now “--and take me with you.”

So he did.

And once more he plunged into her, kissing his way along her body, growling in pleasure as she writhed and moaned under him. He began moving, and so did she, her eyes half-shut and her mouth half-open, her breasts heaving and her nipples sore and red with the friction caused by rubbing against his rough chest hair. She took him in each time he plundered her, gasping out his name, her screams getting louder with every thrust until she finally came apart in his arms. And when he finished, it was nothing like he had ever experienced before, the feel of filling her with his seed and the heady sensation of bliss ripping him to pieces.

He closed his eyes in quiet contentment as they gathered their breaths again, wrapped in each other, strangely at peace with the world despite the death and destruction outside.

“I love you.” He sighed softly into her hair. “My life is yours, my lady--” he bent to kiss her forehead “--as is my heart which you have already stolen ages ago.”

Brienne looked up at him, a warm smile lighting up her face, a smile, Jaime realized was only for him. “And I belong to you, my lord-my body, mind and soul.” Her smile suddenly faded, a shadow of gloom clouding her flushed face. “But Sansa--”

“We’ll do what we can to find her,” he reassured her once more. “This time, you’re not alone, wench. From this moment, every step you take, I’ll be right by your side.”

The smile was back on her face. “Is that a promise, ser?”

He shook his head. “Not just a promise,” he corrected her. “An oath, a vow that you can be sure that only my death would break--”

She silenced him with her lips. “Why talk about death when we have tomorrow to wake up to?” she chided him when she pulled away.

“And why worry about tomorrow when we have the whole of tonight to ourselves,” he finished, gathering her in his arms again. “Whatever happens in this war, we’ll face it together, wench, you and me.”  

When they surrendered to each other once again, Jaime considered himself lucky to have finally found himself on the right path in life. There was some good that had come out of this war… it had led him to his wench, his Brienne, his love.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and do let me know if you liked it.  
> With this story, I've been thinking of bringing this series to a close. But I do have a couple of more ideas in my head, so do let me know if you're interested in reading more such one-shots and if you'd like me to continue with them.


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